Essay Feedback

Content

Ensure you are taking the time to clearly synthesise your evidence. Be clear on why a quotation is significant to the point you are making.

Avoid vague statements. Be definitive.

Make sure the ideas that you identify in your introduction are strong enough to allow you to develop them in your main body. Some of you are selecting main points that you do not have enough to talk about. This is then causing you to inadvertently waste time describing the storyline rather than analysing.

Make sure you meet the work limit.

Ensure that you are taking the time to examine the embedded values, attitudes and ideas of the text. This is just as important as your ability to discuss positioning techniques. Often the two can be discussed in tandem.

Make sure your introduction is broad enough to allow you to expand. However, it should not be so vague that you lose track of your argument.

Remember, Salinger positions the audience, not Holden.

Avoid large quotations. They are difficult to integrate and often detract from your argument. Work on using smaller sections of a larger quotation.

Don't rephrase the quotation and think that this is your synthesis. The reader knows what it means, they want to know how it links to your argument.

Mentioning a positioning technique by name is not enough. You must explore what impact it has on the reader. For example, don't just say that Salinger uses a simile, explain what effect that simile has on the reader's understanding of a character, theme, etc.

DO NOT USE FIRST PERSON!

Do not steer away from the question.

Make sure that your argument is based around analysis, not opinion.

Holden doesn't quote - except for when he is quoting someone else. If you are talking about something Holden says, you need to say, "Holden states/says/explains/etc."

 

It is okay to disagree with a statement if the question asks, "To what extent to you agree?"

 

Make sure you address ALL of the question!

Structure

Always be sure to link your topic sentences back to your thesis statement.

Closing statements should also provide a link back to the overall question.

Try to avoid starting your conclusion with, "In conclusion".

Don't bring new information/evidence into your conclusion.

Conclusion needs to be more than one sentence.

Ensure you are finding ways to integrate your evidence. Don't have large quotations floating in her middle of a paragraph.

Ensure that there is cohesion in your points.

Make sure your topic sentences clearly identify what you will focus on in your paragraphs. If there is something that you are saying in your paragraph that does not fit under the topic sentence, you either need to put it somewhere else or change your topic sentence.

Introduction must have a clear thesis statement. It must address the question. It must outline your argument. It should not be focusing on providing a definition of words/concepts.

Be aware that a poor thesis statement will affect the rest of your argument. A weak thesis statement makes it very difficult to link your topic sentences back. This can affect your overall cohesion.

New idea = new paragraph.

 

Technical

Learn difference between adolescence and adolescent.

Learn how to use commas, particularly to mark the opening clause of a sentence.

Avoid ending sentences with prepositions.

Learn difference between innocence and innocents.

Learn to spell carousel.

The word is recurring, not reoccurring.

Ensure that you are consistent with how you use tense - realistically you should be using present tense.

Underline the title of the novel!

Be aware of issues with subject-verb agreement. If the noun is plural then the verb should be too. If the noun is singular, the verb needs to be singular. E.g. The chairs are comfortable - Correct statement. The chairs is comfortable - Incorrect statement.

Central not centeral.

Be careful of your punctuation when you are including your quotations.

Write in pen please.

Be sure that your handwriting is not impacting on the reader's ability to know what you are saying. Some people are making what look to be spelling mistakes. However, I suspect many of these are actually issues with penmanship.

Learn how to spell losing.

Be aware of when to use plurals and when to use the singular form of a word.

Remember the basic spelling rules, like 'i' before 'e' except after 'c'.

Read over your work after every couple of sentences to ensure that your argument makes sense. Some of you are racing through your essay and the way your express yourself is becoming quite clumsy.

Use British spelling, not U.S. conventions. Many of you are using the letter 'z' where you should be using an 's'.

Avoid colloquialisms.

Don't make up words.

Do not start a sentence with a conjunction: But, And, Because, etc.

Be aware of homophones - words that sound the same but are spelt differently.

Spelling mistakes in quotations are very obvious. Make sure you are copying the quotation accurately.

 

Essay writing 101

To give yourself the best opportunity to answer an essay question effectively, it is important to work with a clear structure. If you follow this step-by-step process, it should help you to stay on track with your argument.

Step 1: Read the question:

Step 2: Highlight/underline/circle the main points

Step 3: 'This question is asking me to...'

 

Step 4: Brainstorming - write down anything that comes to mind about the topic.

Step 5: Pick out important parts in brainstorming and expand/organise to form what will become your main points.

Step 6: Write your thesis statement. Your thesis statement must involve and answer the question. Basically, it states what you will be basing your whole essay around.

Step 7: Write your topic sentences - work out what your main body paragraphs are going to talk about and then write your topic sentences.

Remember, a topic sentence must

a) tell us what the paragraph will be about

b) link back to thesis statement.

Step 8: Decide what quotations and evidence you will use for each body paragraph - make sure your evidence is relevant to your main point and ultimately supports your thesis statement.

Step 9: Plan what you want to say about your evidence and how it supports your points - this is your synthesius and it where you can include discussion of the positioning techniques.

Step 10: Write your concluding statements or linking sentences - optional. Some people like to do this in planning as it is one more way to ensure that they stay on track in their argument. Others prefer to wait until the paragraph is complete so that they can come to a logical conclusion in that part of the argument. Experiment to see what works best for you.

Step 11: Start writing your essay!

Introduction - thesis statement

- outline of main points

- include title of the novel and author's name

- can include very brief background about the novel to set the scene

- consider and mention positioning techniques, e.g:

 

Main Body Paragraphs - repeat for all paragraphs

Topic sentence
Expand/Elaborate

Evidence

Evaluation

Concluding sentence

Conclusion - revisit thesis statement

- revisit all main points

- mention author and title

- DO NOT BRING IN ANY NEW INFORMATION

- leave reader with something to think about

Step 14: Proof-read and edit - do not stop until you get told to put your pen down.

When proof-reading and editing, consider the following things:

Punctuation

- Have you used commas effectively?

- Have you put full stops at the end of sentences?

- Have you used quotation marks to indicate quotations?

- Have you used possessive apostrophes where needed?

- Have you used capital letters at the beginning of sentences and for Proper Nouns (i.e. a person's name, etc.)

- If you have used a semi-colan, colan or hyphen, have you used it correctly?

Spelling

- Have you spelt the author's name correctly?

- Have you spelt the characters' names correctly?

- Have you looked for incorrect spelling of homophones (words that sound the same but are spelt differently, e.g. 'to', 'too' and two'?

- Have you ensured that you are using Australian (British) spelling rather than U.S. spelling, e.g. 'analyse' instead of 'analyze'?

Sentence structure:

- Do they make sense?

- Do you have a variety of sentence structures, i.e. simple, compound and complex?

- Do you avoid sentence fragments?

- Do you begin sentences in a variety of ways or do they all start the same way?

Expression

- Have you phrased things in the best way?

- Do you avoid colloquial expressions?

- Do you avoid slang and contractions?

- Does the way you have worded your argument make sense?

- Do you avoid using first person (I, me, my, we, our)?

- Do you avoid using second person (you, your)?

Word choice

- Have you repeated words too many times?

- Have you used words in the right context - i.e. does it make sense the way you have used it?

- Do you know what the words you have used actually mean?

- Have you tried to use words that demonstrate that you understand the positioning techniques, e.g. 'imagery', 'characterisation', 'positions', etc.

Grammar

- Have you checked that you are writing in present tense?

- Have you ensured that you are not making mistakes with subject verb agreement, i.e. if the noun is plural so is the verb OR if the noun is singular so is the verb? E.g. 'There are two chairs." (Correct) "There is two chairs." (Incorrect)

- Do you use definite and indefinite articles appropriately? ("The" - definite article. "A" and "An" - indefinite articles.)

Content

- Do you answer the question?

- Is your discussion relevant?

- Are the claims you are making about the book/characters/events correct?

- Are your quotations relevant to your argument?

- Do you reference your quotations?

- Do you take the time to synthesise your evidence?

- Do you mention positioning techniques in your synthesis?

Structure

- Do you have a clear thesis statement that answers the question?

- Does this intro outline your main points?

- Does the intro mention the author and book?

- Do you avoid using quotations in your intro?

- Do your topic sentences link back to your thesis statement?

- Do you have evidence in each paragraph?

- Do you have closing statements or linking statements at the end of each paragraph?

- Does your conclusion avoid bringing in new information?

'The Catcher in the Rye' practice essay

The ongoing success of J.D Salinger's novel, The Catcher in the Rye, can be attributed to the fact that it is written in a style that focuses upon the introspective view of its protagonist, Holden Caulfield. This, in turn, allows the reader to compare their life experiences to the central character. Discuss.

 

In your response, you should consider the criteria sheet that we work with in all assessment pieces. This means being able to discuss positioning techniques and the values, attitudes and idea that underpin the text within your response.

 

Your essay needs to be completed by hand and brought with you to class by Period 1, Monday 20th May.

 

Image taken from Google images on 13/5/13

 

 

Please be aware that you will be using your completed practice essay as part of an activity during Monday's lesson.